Being abrasive or adopting an abrasive attitude does not automatically make you a bad person.
However, it may make you inconvenient to be around.
Even if you’re the greatest at what you do (which you are), you’ve probably observed that others behave strangely around you.
It’s self-evident that they’d rather be someplace else.
Additionally, you are not invited.
You’ve heard the term “abrasive” associated with your given name (among others).
What does this imply in practice – and what can you do about it?
What Does It Mean To Have An abrasive Personality?
There are two kinds of individuals that are abrasive:
Those who are aware of their abrasive nature and are proud of it
Those who are unaware of their abrasive nature
The first kind is often narcissistic or self-centered; their ego takes precedence above the impact of their words and actions on others.
This does not render people unredeemable, but it often makes them unpleasant to be around.
Other people’s responses to them often perplex the latter kind; they frequently intend good but have a tendency to say the wrong thing and inadvertently hurt or upset others around them.
If this describes you, you probably desire to improve your relationships. You’re just at a loss on where to begin.
10 Personality Traits of the abrasive
Continue reading for a comprehensive list of nine very visible characteristics of an abrasive or harsh personality. Make a mental note of those that sound the most familiar.
- You are devoid of empathy.
Nobody would characterize you as empathic. If you are aware of other people’s emotions, you make no indication of it. You act as though you haven’t considered the potential consequences of your words and behavior on others.
It is not (necessarily) the case that you are unconcerned. You just do not perceive the connection between other people’s emotions and the way things are. Why aren’t people as objective as you are?
- You are an outspoken and opinionated person.
Everyone has a right to your viewpoint, which you often express. It is not that you believe people have less right to their views than you do, but you are more inclined to state your position unequivocally – and to fight forcefully with those who disagree.
You don’t just want to have the last word; you need it. Too much is contingent on your being correct. And, although you are quick to dismiss others’ emotions, you are often dominated by your own.
- You take pride in your proclivity for “telling it how it is.”
You don’t understand the purpose of equivocating and have a negative opinion of people who do. Why not just state what everyone else is thinking? Alternatively, if you are the only one contemplating it, others should get on board immediately.
Therefore, what is taking them so long? It’s not as if you haven’t already exhausted all possibilities in order to arrive at the sole feasible conclusion. Anyone who disagrees is either slow or delusory.
- You make others feel uneasy.
Due to your lack of empathy and overall egocentrism, the majority of people dislike you for one of the following reasons:
You boast about your accomplishments while disparaging those of others.
You make jokes at the expense of others.
You speak over and interrupt others, disregarding their ideas, emotions, and so forth.
You behave as though everything would come to a grinding halt if you weren’t there — and in command.
You’re ready to criticize anybody who disagrees with you or falls behind.
- You’re a strong believer in “tough love.”
You believe that the majority of people are too sensitive and need to “toughen up” in order to survive and advance in life. You are not a believer in “coddling” anybody via the use of a soft-pedal technique.
While your objective may be to assist others in developing a thicker skin, you are either ignorant of or apathetic to the damage you may be causing.
After all, you ran your own gauntlet through hell and “came out okay.”
- You have a workaholic tendencies.
You value achievement, and a lack of productivity jeopardizes that accomplishment. Even if you dislike your work, you are fearful of quitting and risking not having the financial resources to pursue your interests.
You also work as hard as you play. You are not one to slack off or take the easy way out, and you are quick to condemn others who do. That you will never be.
- You place a premium on financial security.
You’re a sucker for money – a lot of it. Possessing a comfortable surplus of money satisfies your desire for control. Additionally, it simplifies life tremendously. You are not alone.
The difficulties arise when you are ready to tread on other individuals in order to get the advancement you want (which comes with prestige and a nice bump in pay). You may be greedy and grasping, even if you view it as self-preservation.
- You have a proclivity for nitpicking.
People who are abrasive are often judgmental of others. And they find no need to conceal their critical views. After all, aren’t you doing someone a service by pointing out their errors?
Why would anybody dress that way if you can save them from humiliation by telling them how silly they look? And why should it be taken personally?
- You play in order to win.
You think that healthy rivalry is an essential component of life. And you are not a believer in allowing others to win in order to make yourself feel better. You don’t take defeat lightly, and you’re often an intolerable victor.
Even if you don’t spend the following day or two gloating, you never forget how you crushed the “losers.” You want people to remember your majesty.
10. They cause individuals to feel uneasy.
Given that the abrasive personality’s behavior is often motivated by their own insecurity or vulnerability, they frequently behave in ways that enhance their own confidence and self-esteem at the cost of others.
This may include bragging about their accomplishments in comparison to others’, making jokes at the cost of others, or just talking over and interrupting others when they try to speak in a way that weakens them.
The goal may not be to inflict pain, but to alleviate their own discomfort. Nonetheless, their behaviors cause other individuals to feel uneasy and unpleasant.
How to Develop a Less abrasive Personality
The most important thing to remember while attempting to be less abrasive is to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. If you really care about other people and want to develop positive connections with them, begin by prioritizing the following:
- Without interrupting or rushing to conclusions, listen (actively) to others.
- Treat people with the same respect and compassion with which you would want to be treated.
- Spend time learning about the struggles of others.
- Contribute to the greater good by putting your ego on the line.
- Apologize to those who have been harmed (without expecting them to forgive you).
- Make an effort to demonstrate to people that you care about their pleasure.
- When inclined to criticize, ask yourself, “Will this truly help anyone?”
Now that you’ve gained a better understanding of abrasive personality characteristics, let’s address some of the concerns you may have.
What does the term “abrasive” mean?
If someone characterizes you as “abrasive,” it is possible that you exhibited one or more of the characteristics listed above. While this is not a death sentence, if you want to be the opposite, there are steps you can do to become less abrasive and more pleasant to be around.
It begins with treating people in the manner in which you want to be treated.
Is abrasive personality disorder a real thing?
The DSM-V does not include the term “abrasive personality disorder” since many people who show the characteristics mentioned above operate normally in the world. It may certainly be infuriating and can make life more difficult than it has to be. However, it is not pathological.
That stated, both narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders (APD) are often accompanied with abrasive conduct.
How do you cope with someone who is abrasive?
Often, the easiest way to cope with someone whose abrasive nature makes them unpleasant to be around is to avoid them entirely.
You are entirely right in avoiding them if they are physically or emotionally abusive. And if it is not possible (for example, if you are a caregiver for an abrasive person), be nice without enabling them to exploit you.
What should one do when confronted with an abrasive person?
Much relies on the man’s identity and his level of aggression. If you feel uncomfortable in his presence, leave immediately and make it difficult for him to reach you.
If you’re used to his style of abrasiveness but dislike his current way, you may inform him.
If he really cares, he will apologize and withdraw. If he does not, you are not obligated to remain and see his assault. And by allowing him to get away with it, you are doing him no favors.
After learning what it means to be an abrasive person — or having encountered one — what would you do differently today? How do you want for your relationships to improve?